Remember how last week I did a post about feeling ALL the feels?! Well, this wasn’t planned, but the universe decided to make me blog more on it!

Run The Bird

To kick off this story, I go to the same run club every Wednesday. Basically, we run around Wash Park and then have a cheap beer and a raffle after. Thing about Denver though… there are like 5 trillion run clubs here. Every night of the week. Every distance. Every level of intensity. So, when a new friend mentioned they go to a different run club, I decided I was open to trying something new.

^Run The Bird photos

Runner’s Roost

We met at a local running store, “Runners Roost”. I was quickly drawn in by the free electrolytes, shoe demos, and energy chews. This club was pretty bougie! After running, we all chit-chatted until an announcement came that the movie was about to start. It was a special night, as they were screening a documentary about the Leadville 100 (an ultra-marathon), and that the person behind the film was there to speak as well. My friend I came with had to get home, but I figured I would hang for a bit longer. After-all, there were free snacks, and I like to support creatives when I can.

The film turned out to be much more than a “I run long races” kinda movie. It was instead about this professional athlete’s struggle with suicidal thoughts, depression, and how he broke through the shame to meet those struggles head on. The title… “FEEL IT ALL”.

The documentary was great, the message sincere, the visuals stunning. Still, what hit me the most was the conversation with Drew afterwards. He spoke from the heart and with a lot of wisdom. I jotted a down a couple of his quotes that resonated with me most.

“There’s no cure but there’s also no stopping me”

• I resonated with this one a lot. Anxiety and disordered eating thoughts still accompany me. However, I have learned that I can be anxious AND still do something! Move states? Work in the ER? Play at an open mic? Make new friends? Join a band? Backpack alone through Europe? With all of these things, I am scared. That’s ok. Anxiety is a message from the brain. I’ll note it, but ultimately, I choose what messages dictate my decisions.

“Rock bottom can also be when you stop digging”

• Many people feel like they need to be “sick enough” to deserve recovery, but “sick enough” often doesn’t exist. For me, I would have died before I believed I needed to eat. AKA my rock bottom could have been a hella lot deeper. That said, I am so grateful for the people in my life who took my shovel away. Over the past few years, I have had relapses, but with each one, I decided to stop digging a little sooner. With that, let me re-share the message over and over…no matter where your rock bottom is, you can stop digging. Your struggles are valid and you deserve to get help.

“Most people have the answers but need a safe place to talk about it and realize them”

• YES. YUP. CORRECT. This is partially why I still go to therapy. It provides a safe space to process my anxieties without judgement or bias. Some people have that safe space to process amongst family and friends. But, I know it’s hard to talk about mental illness with others. We should still do it. When we normalize talking about mental health, we take the shame and isolation away from those who are struggling. The opposite of isolation is connection and belonging, which in my opinion is the key to happiness and healing.

On that note, this documentary is now streaming on Youtube! SOOO go watch it HERE! Also, have a great week and let’s all take extra good care of ourselves.

For me, I have been feeling extra anxious and tired this week, so I am prioritizing my mental health by tubing in the river, playing guitar in the park, surrounding myself with friends I feel connected to, and working a little less to prioritize sleep and rest.

Lots of love,

Ashley