How are we doing? How am I doing? I can’t speak for everyone in my family, but my discomfort is really strong, and my emotions are unpredictable. One second, I can be dancing and laughing at butt jokes. The next second, I am staring into the fridge until the door alarm goes off, crippled with indecision over what to eat for lunch. It’s like the universe will fall apart if I choose the wrong lunch meat. Then, I am cuddling my adorable little nephew or laying in bed with Brian. Then, I am crying because…well ya just because.

Although I have my family (and that IS a lot), I don’t consider Wimauma, Florida to be home. My hobbies and friends are in Colorado and a Ohio. My childhood was in Illinois. What I do know, is that I cannot be sad 24/7. I am actually pretty good at compartmentalizing, but I need to have my outlets/distractions. I am trying to see what activities I can try out here in my parents community, but I will be honest…today I learned that I don’t dig tennis. I want to climb a rock or ski a mountain. Honestly, anything that could get me outside and help release some of this increasing energy building inside me.

Both my biggest enemy and greatest companion right now is the knowledge that everything is temporary. It is what is empowering me to try again each day to live in the present. It is whats empowering me to sit with the discomfort of everything. Because as much as I don’t want to be here, I know I do want to be here. I am grateful I am here. Friends and jobs and gigs and weird IPAs and big rocks to climb…those will all be there later-on. This brings me hope. I also know that sitting and watching Glee with my siblings, attempts at tennis with mom, singing “Rainbow Connection” in a Kermit Voice to Aiden… for now, that is where I belong.